Austin (highverbalfan) wrote,
Austin
highverbalfan

So I'm in Boulder, Colorado right now, and as we're all hanging around outside the bar that just closed, I run into a guy whose desk is about 40 feet from mine back in Atlanta. What the fuck, universe.

Anyway.

This isn't about that. Things are mostly good, I should write more, etc., but this isn't about that either. This just a random dump of crappy photos. Last Christmas, M'ris and I went and visited the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky. This 'museum' is run by the group Answers in Genesis, which believes that every word in the Bible is literally true; the aim of this museum is to present the 'proof' of this idea with lots of 'scientific' 'evidence.' It's absolutely absurd. Adam and Eve hang out with dinosaurs—it's science! They have a model of Noah's ark, which shows where the dinosaurs slept on board. It's basically The Flinstones presented as history.

Anyway, what this IS about is that I've been meaning to post some of the crappy photos I took at the crappy museum for almost a year now, but keep forgetting. I should—and could—write a lot more about this particular adventure, but I'm sleepy. Pics now, story later.



Nothing goes together like dinosaurs and Christmas wreaths.




Not even inside, and already full of sadness.




Om nom nom.




Dragon, dinosaur. Dinosaur, dragon. Whatevs. When you're making science up as you go along, it's all the same.




Part of a scaaaaary exhibit that explained that Newsweek articles about Atheists were what caused homelessness. Or something like that? I dunno. Once inside the building, logic didn't seem to work the way it does in the real world.




Get out of the jungle, penguin. You're not suited for tropical weather and there's nowhere for you to swim. Silly penguin.




Too boring to warrant a caption.




...pennies from heaven? Was Eden just God's great big wishing fountain? "I hope I bring me a pony and a frisbee."




That's a pretty evil looking snake, isn't it? That's cuz they're being so literal. It's weird that the Biblical literalists forgot that the eeeeevil serpent had legs in Eden: it wasn't until after God kicked everyone out of the pool that he decreed the serpent would 'slither on its belly.'




BLARGH I AM DEAD




Man, it's hard work growing food for all these dinosaurs.




Oh fuck you guys.




Unfortunately for these guys, Noah didn't pick up hitchhikers. It must be true—we made a model of it!




Ummmm...no. Continents don't move 'rapidly,' folks. South America has never been spry.




This was my favorite thing in the entire museum. Rafting tortoises, seriously?

In case it's hard to read, this display explains that the reason that similar species are distributed all around the Pacific Ocean is NOT because they evolved from a common ancestor that lived on a once-connected landmass hundreds of millions of years ago. Nope. See, what happened is that The Flood uprooted lots of trees, and those trees floated to the surface...and see, animals like tortoises could use those logs to raft across the ocean. Thor Heyerdal would be very impressed.

But since the Flood killed everyone but Noah's family, apparently the rest of humanity never figured out this whole 'logs float' thing. So humans are dumber than tortoises. See? It's science.




Yeah, too bad the Bible actually justifies pretty much all of these:




So yeah, this pointy-toothed guy right here:




...was totally a vegetarian. Obviously.




So how's that vegetarian thing working out for you, dinosaur?




What did YOU think was the key to understanding dinosaurs—paleontology? Don't be ridiculous. That's nowhere near as useful as a book that never mentions them.




To see how fucking horrible this logic is, replace the word 'humans' with the equally-accurate 'iPods.'




Cuz everyone knows that raptors were chocolate-flavored.




Once you get ushered through the gift shop, you end up in their weird dinosaur topiary garden. Cuz hey, why the fuck not?




Awwwww. Prehistoric friendship!




And what's even better than dinotopiary? Dinotopiary that GLOWS IN THE DARK. ...cuz hey, why the fuck not?




Night at the Creation Museum. Thankfully, Ben Stiller was nowhere in sight.




So basically, the 'museum' had all the scientific accuracy of this, but with none of the awesome:




Or, alternately, it was two solid hours of this:



Yeah, Richard. They totally are.
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